Scars. We all have them and no one is immune to them. We are made to scar, it is how we heal. I have a new scar vertically across by abdomen about 10 inches long from a 7 hour surgery and 31 staples. On Friday, April 11th I underwent a life changing surgery to improve my health and quality of life.
Surgery went fabulously, much better than anticipated because of God's touch on my life and I went home just 4 days after surgery rather than the anticipated 5-7 day stay. My body has healed well, no complications from surgery and I am already feeling much better. But still the scar remains. This physical scar that has now become my favorite of many surgery battle wounds. I have scars all over my abdomen and back from multiple surgeries beginning when I was just a few months old.
Scars are powerful. Scars mean something has healed. The pain is gone from what was injured, impacted or abused when a scar is left. It's a reminder that life goes on.
Saturday, the day after surgery, I was in a lot of pain. Sick to my stomach and had a horrible headache. In that moment when all I could do was close my eyes and pray I was a reminded that this would be over soon. That this temporary pain and discomfort would be worth it. But, it didn't take away the turmoil I felt all day.
Saturday came to an end, the pain continued to lessen and I became stronger. I soon was able to walk up and down the halls of floor 4A at OHSU in Portland, OR. Then I was able to shower and even feel like walking outside.
You see, friend, this is how it is with all scars. They begin as a painful process and with time become less and less painful. As I write this today I can say less than one month from surgery I feel no pain where I was once cut open.
God wants to do this in our hearts, if we would let Him. He wants to lead us down a path much like the small steps I made away from laying in a hospital bed to now going back to work in just two days. Maybe you are like me and have memories from your past that in some small way still impact your decisions today as an adult. They are like a scar that has not healed. Or perhaps the incision, if you will, was just made and it feels like it will never heal. It will. I promise.
The awesome hidden power of scars is that the scar is to not disable us or inhibit us, but rather remind us of where we have been. When I look at a very crooked, messy, and fresh scar across my abdomen I see the healing power of Jesus in my life. I see friends who have lifted me up both in prayer and in deed. I see meals brought to my home. I envision a full waiting room of loved ones while I was away for over 7 hours in surgery. When I touch my rigid and bumpy scar I feel the love of my sweet husband who has been my faithful and dedicated companion throughout this journey and the loving arms of my son who has hugged me when I was crying tears of pain. Most of all, I am reminded that my life goes on and I am a daughter of the King!
We all have scars. They hold unimaginable strength and wisdom. Strength to carry on and wisdom to make the best decisions possible. This process towards my restored health has brought so many lessons. The heartfelt lesson I am most thankful for in this moment is the realization that I can let scars be there both physically and emotionally, but not be defined by them, rather know are just now a part of me, but not all of me.
The hidden power of scars depends on how deeply we are willing to look at them, feel them and own up to how they got there. If you have any need for prayer regarding "scars" that just won't heal in your life I would be honored and humbled to pray with you. Friend, our Jesus, has scars. He has them to show us that He has taken care of our needs and provided for our futures. He longs for us to live in liberty and in the power of His glory in us.
Thankful for my scars,
Sarah
Monday, May 5, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
I cannot be SILENT!
Three short weeks from today I will be recovering from a major surgery. I have been learning that my physical difficulties are not something to be ashamed of any longer. For too long I have kept the details of my urologic issues hidden and it is time to be proud of what God has done in my body. He has brought me through so much and kept me healthy.
To know where I am today I need to go back to where I started. To keep it simple I have a birth defect. The word defect by nature is negative, but it is true that my body is different than probably any other woman. Let's start with the basics. My bladder is the size of a quarter and never has worked...not one day since birth. My ureters were never headed in the right direction to keep things "PG" and they are currently 10 times the size they should be. Ureters should be 3 millimeters in diameter. Mine are 30 millimeters in diameter! Add to the mix a few more fun facts such as my uterus is split into two, doctors think I could have been a twin that didn't form correctly and that I had my first surgeries at the very young age of just about 1 year old and you have me. Take it or leave it...this is who I am. I am no longer going to try to hide my story or choose to share it only with people that have earned my trust.
So, the next question people usually have is how did I get to where I am? Well, when I was born I never had wet diapers. Yes, that's right -- it's a big issue. My Mom took me to the pediatrician who told her she be a nervous first time Mom and to go home and have a drink. Well, two things are wrong with his theory. My Mom trusted her gut and was not simply a highly sensitive new parent. And secondly she doesn't drink. So, doing what any devoted parent would do she took for me a second opinion. From there came trips to Portland for care at OHSU and the beginning of what would be a life saving surgery. Months of my life were spent at OHSU, which meant my parents made courageous decisions that would forever impact my future. Because of their brave acts I am able to say I am alive. God gave them wisdom and discernment. Praise God for His hand in our lives!
What did the doctors do? Well, babies are small. I was tiny. I was extremely sick. They had to do something. What they did was never done before. Multiple trial and error procedures were done but finally it was decided that a major surgery would be the life saving choice. The created a small hole in the middle of my little belly just below my belly button and pulled my ureters to the surface. The easiest way to explain it is imagine two hoses coming up to a hole in the ground. Now, where to put the urine that would come from the ureters? Into a "bag". That is not the technical term for this, it is really called an urostomy appliance. Try explaining that to a child as I was just past 1 year old when all of this took place. I have always called what I have my bag. Always will. Sometimes simple is best, right?
What was done at this very young age was a coin toss. It was a "let's see" kind of deal. Here's where I get excited. My God is so big, so strong, so all knowing and so perfect that He gave the doctors wisdom beyond their own understanding and I have had this "urostomy" and have done quite well in life. I would not be the woman of God I am today without this "thorn in my side" to remind me to rely on Jesus.
This being said my life has not been without difficulties, pain, hardships, frustration, anger, all out tantrums and humiliation. This "bag" as I have always known it is not fool proof. It's glued to my skin. You can imagine as a body grows and changes, a child is active and busy, this might not go so well to stay connected perfectly. Perfect is a word that is really not in the vocabulary for a person with a urostomy. Leaking is a word that could be used. What is that? The seal could break for multiple reasons on said bag and wa-la --- leaking occurs. It is just what is sound like. Urine is now dripping, other times gushing, from the middle of my stomach. When did this happen? Anytime. Anywhere. School, church, middle of the night, on the way to work, at work, you name it and it is has probably happened. Even in a movie theatre -- that was a doozie. Again, God is faithful and has placed the most amazingly supportive and loving people in my life to literally make a shield around me so others would not see the embarrassing impact of this inconvenience. Never be afraid to stand up for others -- never. You have no idea the difference you could be making.
Multiple surgeries, a miraculous pregnancy to deliver my sweet boy Isaac, and a whole lot of prayer brings me to today. My pregnancy was something so special that I will take time to share about that at a different date, but know God is never going to leave us without a plan and peace.
As I sit here typing this short synopsis on my history I want every person that reads it to remember I could have things so much worse. I am alive. I have a wonderful family. God has given me purpose. I am not an accident and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How do I know this? Because God doesn't make junk. And you my friend, you are not junk either. Maybe you don't have a bag on the outside of your body holding urine. For your sake, I hope not. But maybe you have a broken heart or have been hurt in ways that no one would understand. Maybe you have health conditions that seem to never end. Maybe you have hurt others and you think there's no way life could get better. Well, listen. Listen!!! You are not junk. You are made on purpose to have a purpose. Have I cried out to God pleading to be healed? Yes! I have decided that whether God chooses to heal me here on earth or to use me to show His love to others because of the people I get to impact and heal me in Heaven -- either way, I choose to be happy, thankful and blessed. And, loved one, I choose to be confident that God works all things together. This means nothing is broken. What is broken to us is not to God. If you think back at your life and the circumstances you have made it through I am 100% sure that you have been able to use those details of life to encourage someone else, lend a hand because you know what it feels like to be down, or simply just know that life goes on.
I'm sorry, I get to preaching...
Three weeks from today I will be recovering from a 6-8 hour surgery scheduled for 4/11/14. That's where this story started. So what surgery will I be recovering from? My kidneys and ureters are worn down and causing me quite a bit of health issues so it is time to give me an overhaul. I equate this surgery to a reboot. A fresh start. A new beginning. A better tomorrow. Three major items will be done in the surgery. First the ureters, which remember are 10x too big, will be tapered down to a more reasonable size to cause less opportunity for issues. Secondly, the current hole that I mentioned earlier will be closed. Third a finally a new hole, called a stoma, will be created near my hip using part of my bowel. It's a relatively common surgery for those who have had bladder cancer. The tricky part is my insides aren't normal. I did find a short YouTube video that explains the third step relatively well and if you would like to watch it here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANIDpinacxE&feature=youtu.be
Is this surgery and process going to be easy? No. I will not kid myself. I have experienced surgeries. They are NEVER easy. But in time, this will be worth it. In the mean time I will thank God for the blessings in my life.
I am living a blessed life. A very blessed life. My only request is that you pray for God to use me for His kingdom and that every interaction I will keep my focus on Jesus.
Questions? Don't hesitate to ask.
To know where I am today I need to go back to where I started. To keep it simple I have a birth defect. The word defect by nature is negative, but it is true that my body is different than probably any other woman. Let's start with the basics. My bladder is the size of a quarter and never has worked...not one day since birth. My ureters were never headed in the right direction to keep things "PG" and they are currently 10 times the size they should be. Ureters should be 3 millimeters in diameter. Mine are 30 millimeters in diameter! Add to the mix a few more fun facts such as my uterus is split into two, doctors think I could have been a twin that didn't form correctly and that I had my first surgeries at the very young age of just about 1 year old and you have me. Take it or leave it...this is who I am. I am no longer going to try to hide my story or choose to share it only with people that have earned my trust.
So, the next question people usually have is how did I get to where I am? Well, when I was born I never had wet diapers. Yes, that's right -- it's a big issue. My Mom took me to the pediatrician who told her she be a nervous first time Mom and to go home and have a drink. Well, two things are wrong with his theory. My Mom trusted her gut and was not simply a highly sensitive new parent. And secondly she doesn't drink. So, doing what any devoted parent would do she took for me a second opinion. From there came trips to Portland for care at OHSU and the beginning of what would be a life saving surgery. Months of my life were spent at OHSU, which meant my parents made courageous decisions that would forever impact my future. Because of their brave acts I am able to say I am alive. God gave them wisdom and discernment. Praise God for His hand in our lives!
What did the doctors do? Well, babies are small. I was tiny. I was extremely sick. They had to do something. What they did was never done before. Multiple trial and error procedures were done but finally it was decided that a major surgery would be the life saving choice. The created a small hole in the middle of my little belly just below my belly button and pulled my ureters to the surface. The easiest way to explain it is imagine two hoses coming up to a hole in the ground. Now, where to put the urine that would come from the ureters? Into a "bag". That is not the technical term for this, it is really called an urostomy appliance. Try explaining that to a child as I was just past 1 year old when all of this took place. I have always called what I have my bag. Always will. Sometimes simple is best, right?
What was done at this very young age was a coin toss. It was a "let's see" kind of deal. Here's where I get excited. My God is so big, so strong, so all knowing and so perfect that He gave the doctors wisdom beyond their own understanding and I have had this "urostomy" and have done quite well in life. I would not be the woman of God I am today without this "thorn in my side" to remind me to rely on Jesus.
This being said my life has not been without difficulties, pain, hardships, frustration, anger, all out tantrums and humiliation. This "bag" as I have always known it is not fool proof. It's glued to my skin. You can imagine as a body grows and changes, a child is active and busy, this might not go so well to stay connected perfectly. Perfect is a word that is really not in the vocabulary for a person with a urostomy. Leaking is a word that could be used. What is that? The seal could break for multiple reasons on said bag and wa-la --- leaking occurs. It is just what is sound like. Urine is now dripping, other times gushing, from the middle of my stomach. When did this happen? Anytime. Anywhere. School, church, middle of the night, on the way to work, at work, you name it and it is has probably happened. Even in a movie theatre -- that was a doozie. Again, God is faithful and has placed the most amazingly supportive and loving people in my life to literally make a shield around me so others would not see the embarrassing impact of this inconvenience. Never be afraid to stand up for others -- never. You have no idea the difference you could be making.
Multiple surgeries, a miraculous pregnancy to deliver my sweet boy Isaac, and a whole lot of prayer brings me to today. My pregnancy was something so special that I will take time to share about that at a different date, but know God is never going to leave us without a plan and peace.
As I sit here typing this short synopsis on my history I want every person that reads it to remember I could have things so much worse. I am alive. I have a wonderful family. God has given me purpose. I am not an accident and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How do I know this? Because God doesn't make junk. And you my friend, you are not junk either. Maybe you don't have a bag on the outside of your body holding urine. For your sake, I hope not. But maybe you have a broken heart or have been hurt in ways that no one would understand. Maybe you have health conditions that seem to never end. Maybe you have hurt others and you think there's no way life could get better. Well, listen. Listen!!! You are not junk. You are made on purpose to have a purpose. Have I cried out to God pleading to be healed? Yes! I have decided that whether God chooses to heal me here on earth or to use me to show His love to others because of the people I get to impact and heal me in Heaven -- either way, I choose to be happy, thankful and blessed. And, loved one, I choose to be confident that God works all things together. This means nothing is broken. What is broken to us is not to God. If you think back at your life and the circumstances you have made it through I am 100% sure that you have been able to use those details of life to encourage someone else, lend a hand because you know what it feels like to be down, or simply just know that life goes on.
I'm sorry, I get to preaching...
Three weeks from today I will be recovering from a 6-8 hour surgery scheduled for 4/11/14. That's where this story started. So what surgery will I be recovering from? My kidneys and ureters are worn down and causing me quite a bit of health issues so it is time to give me an overhaul. I equate this surgery to a reboot. A fresh start. A new beginning. A better tomorrow. Three major items will be done in the surgery. First the ureters, which remember are 10x too big, will be tapered down to a more reasonable size to cause less opportunity for issues. Secondly, the current hole that I mentioned earlier will be closed. Third a finally a new hole, called a stoma, will be created near my hip using part of my bowel. It's a relatively common surgery for those who have had bladder cancer. The tricky part is my insides aren't normal. I did find a short YouTube video that explains the third step relatively well and if you would like to watch it here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANIDpinacxE&feature=youtu.be
Is this surgery and process going to be easy? No. I will not kid myself. I have experienced surgeries. They are NEVER easy. But in time, this will be worth it. In the mean time I will thank God for the blessings in my life.
I am living a blessed life. A very blessed life. My only request is that you pray for God to use me for His kingdom and that every interaction I will keep my focus on Jesus.
Questions? Don't hesitate to ask.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Blankets of Snow
We have had a 'historic event' across this nation according to the National Weather Service. Snow is covering this country. Can you imagine what this must look like from above? A pure, white, clean country. What if this unprecedented weather was a reminder from our loving God that our nation needs a blanket to cover it again, a blanket of purity that is woven with prayer, selflessness, and love.
I know quite a bit about blankets. We all have our specific pockets of knowledge, and blankets, well, it's one of mine.
For one I slept with the very same blanket for over 30 years. This blanket was made for me by a special "aunt" (really a cousin) and had been with me through so much. Here's just the highlights: countless days in hospitals, procedures, recovery rooms, sleepless nights, and even the birth of my one and only son. This blanket comforted me and caused me to feel peace. This blanket had holes in it, worn, big, put your hand through them kind of holes from being washed what had to have been washed and dried at least a thousands of times.
I also know about hospital blankets. Warm hospital blankets are the single best thing about being in the hospital for a stay or procedure. They are soothing, reassuring and relieving. If you ever need to spend time in a hospital, heaven forbid, and you are asked if you want a warm blanket, YES! Take it, take it again and again.
I also know about the specialness of blankets at home. You know, the special comforter or quilt that you always snuggle in and go to when you don't feel the best. I have had a few days at home recently resting from an infection that is making it's home in my body while doctors work to determine the course to send it packing. So, I have spent a few days to say the least at home. For those that see me on a regular basis, this is not enjoyable. Maybe a day at home is good, even feels good, but past the first day and it gets to be annoying. I want to be out and about, not at home doing nothing. I feel stir crazy quickly and even start to get panicked about what I need to be doing, could be doing, or should be doing.
Back to this historical event that my son will remember and tell his kids about someday. This blanket of snow that covers our yard, driveway and road in front of our house should be a reminder to me that God wants this kind of purity in my life in ALL areas. That word all, well, that is a tough one. ALL, means everything, nothing left out or hidden away. The snow doesn't miss anything. The snow has covered our trees, grass, vehicles, roofs, and roads. Nothing has been off limits to this snow. Just like nothing is off limits to the power and supply of Jesus when I surrender to His desires for my life.
Bigger than just my life, I believe God wants our country to come back to prayer. Not just the "I will pray for you" kind of prayer, but the kind of prayer that costs us our time. I am consistently challenged in this area of my life. Maybe I am alone here, but it's easy to say I will pray. Actually praying is another thing altogether. Hidden in my heart are the simple words from 2 Chronicles 7:14 that say, "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and heal their land." I need this healing, in my own life and in the lives of this country founded on the principles of God.
Blankets of selflessness. Sounds great, the words are pretty. They sound like the "pay it forward" movement across our country. Now, do I believe in doing good? YES! But if I simple am good, I am stopping short of what God can do through me and even in me. The selflessness I want in my life should be like the God that sent his one and only son to be born in a manger, to suffer the for the sins of the world, and to be the redemption for my sin. That kind of selflessness is not easy. It's hard. It's very hard. But, if those of us that say we want to be like Christ would live in a way that is truly selfless, thinking of others before ourselves, living a life that inspires those around us to ask us why we do what we do can you imagine the change that would begin in this country?
Finally, a blanket of love. Not the fluffy clouds, puffy hearts, rainbows and sugary sweet love. I am talking about the love that digs in and stays when others walk out. The love that stands up for those who need it and sits next to those who could use a shoulder to cry on. This love is simple, steadfast and consistent. What if we had a blanket of love across this great nation that invited others to feel the warmth, the purity, the wholesomeness and the unending care that God has for us?
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While this nation is experiencing a phenomenon of weather, my prayer is that we have a turning in our hearts for the very revival that could warm up this country and cause even the coldest, most frozen, hearts to thaw and experience the truest Comforter I know.
Be blessed,
Sarah
I know quite a bit about blankets. We all have our specific pockets of knowledge, and blankets, well, it's one of mine.
For one I slept with the very same blanket for over 30 years. This blanket was made for me by a special "aunt" (really a cousin) and had been with me through so much. Here's just the highlights: countless days in hospitals, procedures, recovery rooms, sleepless nights, and even the birth of my one and only son. This blanket comforted me and caused me to feel peace. This blanket had holes in it, worn, big, put your hand through them kind of holes from being washed what had to have been washed and dried at least a thousands of times.
I also know about hospital blankets. Warm hospital blankets are the single best thing about being in the hospital for a stay or procedure. They are soothing, reassuring and relieving. If you ever need to spend time in a hospital, heaven forbid, and you are asked if you want a warm blanket, YES! Take it, take it again and again.
I also know about the specialness of blankets at home. You know, the special comforter or quilt that you always snuggle in and go to when you don't feel the best. I have had a few days at home recently resting from an infection that is making it's home in my body while doctors work to determine the course to send it packing. So, I have spent a few days to say the least at home. For those that see me on a regular basis, this is not enjoyable. Maybe a day at home is good, even feels good, but past the first day and it gets to be annoying. I want to be out and about, not at home doing nothing. I feel stir crazy quickly and even start to get panicked about what I need to be doing, could be doing, or should be doing.
Back to this historical event that my son will remember and tell his kids about someday. This blanket of snow that covers our yard, driveway and road in front of our house should be a reminder to me that God wants this kind of purity in my life in ALL areas. That word all, well, that is a tough one. ALL, means everything, nothing left out or hidden away. The snow doesn't miss anything. The snow has covered our trees, grass, vehicles, roofs, and roads. Nothing has been off limits to this snow. Just like nothing is off limits to the power and supply of Jesus when I surrender to His desires for my life.
Bigger than just my life, I believe God wants our country to come back to prayer. Not just the "I will pray for you" kind of prayer, but the kind of prayer that costs us our time. I am consistently challenged in this area of my life. Maybe I am alone here, but it's easy to say I will pray. Actually praying is another thing altogether. Hidden in my heart are the simple words from 2 Chronicles 7:14 that say, "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and heal their land." I need this healing, in my own life and in the lives of this country founded on the principles of God.
Blankets of selflessness. Sounds great, the words are pretty. They sound like the "pay it forward" movement across our country. Now, do I believe in doing good? YES! But if I simple am good, I am stopping short of what God can do through me and even in me. The selflessness I want in my life should be like the God that sent his one and only son to be born in a manger, to suffer the for the sins of the world, and to be the redemption for my sin. That kind of selflessness is not easy. It's hard. It's very hard. But, if those of us that say we want to be like Christ would live in a way that is truly selfless, thinking of others before ourselves, living a life that inspires those around us to ask us why we do what we do can you imagine the change that would begin in this country?
Finally, a blanket of love. Not the fluffy clouds, puffy hearts, rainbows and sugary sweet love. I am talking about the love that digs in and stays when others walk out. The love that stands up for those who need it and sits next to those who could use a shoulder to cry on. This love is simple, steadfast and consistent. What if we had a blanket of love across this great nation that invited others to feel the warmth, the purity, the wholesomeness and the unending care that God has for us?
While this nation is experiencing a phenomenon of weather, my prayer is that we have a turning in our hearts for the very revival that could warm up this country and cause even the coldest, most frozen, hearts to thaw and experience the truest Comforter I know.
Be blessed,
Sarah
Sunday, November 10, 2013
No, Mama, don't make me go in there!
During JCPenny's "Biggest Sale of the Year" my family overheard a little girl plead with her looking-for-a-bargain Mom while she pushed her little 4 year old body against her with all her might.
"No, mama, don't make me go in there!"
In the moment, it was cute. For us it was not just cute, but adorable. For her embarrassed mother it was a less than wonderful moment, of this I am sure. In fact, I know this, as my son has a very bargain driven mother to say the very least.
While we went about our day I kept thinking about this little girl and her flustered Mom. How many times have I told my loving, patient and giving God the very same thing?
"No, God, don't make me go in there!"
Maybe it is a physical 'there', or emotional, or even more daunting spiritual 'there' He wants me to venture into to find the greatest blessings just through the wide open doors.
You see, friend, I've been the one standing just outside the doors of abundant grace and providence. I've pleaded, kicked, screamed, maybe even stomped throwing my fit. Maybe you have thrown a fit too? I believe the tantrums in life come from frustration, disbelief and maybe even a teensy bit of selfishness.
The beautiful, young, and loving Mom was probably seeking out the deal of the day to bless her daughter with new clothes, or maybe even an ornament for the annual Christmas tree. Maybe this Mom was even looking at this shopping trip as an opportunity to build her relationship with her daughter. Perhaps this was the 1st of many shopping sprees that this little girl would look forward to as she grew up, into elementary school, then the dreaded pre-human middle school years, and then the tender high school years where every interaction seems to matter more than the next.
Does our sweet Savior look at moments in time like this with us? I believe He does. After all, we are His kids. His kids that grow, make mistakes, throw tantrums, learn and slowly grow up. But we start as children!
What if the simple push of our passionate Papa leads us from one door of divine opportunity to another? From one moment of being unsure, to learning that if we trust, we learn, and if we learn, we can bless others, and then be blessed ourselves. This little girl first needed to learn how to keep up with her Mom inside a small department store, before she could go travel the streets of NYC. Just like this little girl who was probably going to go on other bargain hunts with her Mom, our generous God is taking us from a quick trip to JCPenny's to maybe the ultimate shopping spree to somewhere like New York City with unlimited resources. For the shopping diva's out there, this could be amazing right?
Maybe we need to learn from our faithful God to see the abundance of His goodness now, before we can begin to understand or grasp the bountiful blessings in store for us. He will never push us beyond what's good for us. Even, what is best for us.
So, from one dedicated sale-finding-bargain-hunting woman, to possibly another, let's remember this cute, blonde haired, blue eyed beauty who pushed against her Mama, pleading not to go into what could be a world of opportunities! We can make a choice. Throw an ungrateful fit or trust the blessings of walking through open doors. It is always our choice. I am making a choice to stop saying, "No, God, don't make me go in there!" anymore. How about you?
Be blessed,
Sarah
"No, mama, don't make me go in there!"
In the moment, it was cute. For us it was not just cute, but adorable. For her embarrassed mother it was a less than wonderful moment, of this I am sure. In fact, I know this, as my son has a very bargain driven mother to say the very least.
While we went about our day I kept thinking about this little girl and her flustered Mom. How many times have I told my loving, patient and giving God the very same thing?
"No, God, don't make me go in there!"
Maybe it is a physical 'there', or emotional, or even more daunting spiritual 'there' He wants me to venture into to find the greatest blessings just through the wide open doors.
You see, friend, I've been the one standing just outside the doors of abundant grace and providence. I've pleaded, kicked, screamed, maybe even stomped throwing my fit. Maybe you have thrown a fit too? I believe the tantrums in life come from frustration, disbelief and maybe even a teensy bit of selfishness.
The beautiful, young, and loving Mom was probably seeking out the deal of the day to bless her daughter with new clothes, or maybe even an ornament for the annual Christmas tree. Maybe this Mom was even looking at this shopping trip as an opportunity to build her relationship with her daughter. Perhaps this was the 1st of many shopping sprees that this little girl would look forward to as she grew up, into elementary school, then the dreaded pre-human middle school years, and then the tender high school years where every interaction seems to matter more than the next.
Does our sweet Savior look at moments in time like this with us? I believe He does. After all, we are His kids. His kids that grow, make mistakes, throw tantrums, learn and slowly grow up. But we start as children!
What if the simple push of our passionate Papa leads us from one door of divine opportunity to another? From one moment of being unsure, to learning that if we trust, we learn, and if we learn, we can bless others, and then be blessed ourselves. This little girl first needed to learn how to keep up with her Mom inside a small department store, before she could go travel the streets of NYC. Just like this little girl who was probably going to go on other bargain hunts with her Mom, our generous God is taking us from a quick trip to JCPenny's to maybe the ultimate shopping spree to somewhere like New York City with unlimited resources. For the shopping diva's out there, this could be amazing right?
Maybe we need to learn from our faithful God to see the abundance of His goodness now, before we can begin to understand or grasp the bountiful blessings in store for us. He will never push us beyond what's good for us. Even, what is best for us.
So, from one dedicated sale-finding-bargain-hunting woman, to possibly another, let's remember this cute, blonde haired, blue eyed beauty who pushed against her Mama, pleading not to go into what could be a world of opportunities! We can make a choice. Throw an ungrateful fit or trust the blessings of walking through open doors. It is always our choice. I am making a choice to stop saying, "No, God, don't make me go in there!" anymore. How about you?
Be blessed,
Sarah
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
God always takes care of His kids? ALWAYS in ALL WAYS?
God always takes care of His kids. Really? ALWAYS in ALL WAYS?
I know I sound skeptical, and a good church girl shouldn't say things like that, but come on--really? I have heard this so many times. I've said it to others. I've recited it to myself. I have even whispered it in the quiet hours when all I could do was depend on Jesus.
I've had seasons of my life filled with joy and victories. While others periods of my life have been riddled with pain and what felt like defeat. Maybe I could be so bold to say that I have had moments where I was, again, dare I say it, angry or just plain annoyed?
Joy, victory, pain, defeat, anger and annoyance. That's life right?
There's more. There's so much more. What's the more???
The more is simple for me. It's my own personal cheerleader running through my mind with pom-poms and cute pony tails. You see, I always wanted to be a cheerleader. So, in my own little world I have a personal cheerleader. Don't judge me. I bet you want one too.
God always takes care of His kids. (This is all said with a cheer leader jumping with shiny pom-poms and perfect uniform.)
God takes care of me when I feel joy and experience victories.
God takes care of me when I am in pain and feel defeated.
God takes care of me when I am angry or annoyed.
Why? Well, two reasons.
1. I am God's kid.
2. God always takes care of His kids.
Simple. Yeah, on paper. But, in real life it is complicated. So complicated. I know it, I really do. Promise.
Today I chose to stand on God's word and believe the promise in Deuteronomy 7 that says, "God wasn't attracted to you and didn't chose you because you were big and important---the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love."
I am the "you" in this scripture. It could read more like this....
Sarah,
I wasn't attracted to you and didn't choose you because you were big and important---the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. I did it out of sheer love.
Love,
God (The One who always takes care of His kids)
Maybe I needed to document this promise just for me, or perhaps you needed to hear it just one more time. God takes care of His kids. Not because of us. But, ALL because of Him!
Be encouraged! If you are in a season of jubilance, breakdowns, or discontentment---it doesn't change the care of our Jesus! He chose us, not because we were either big or important, but because of His unqualified, utterly amazing, love.
God always takes care of His kids. ALWAYS in ALL WAYS!
I am living a blessed life,
Sarah
I know I sound skeptical, and a good church girl shouldn't say things like that, but come on--really? I have heard this so many times. I've said it to others. I've recited it to myself. I have even whispered it in the quiet hours when all I could do was depend on Jesus.
I've had seasons of my life filled with joy and victories. While others periods of my life have been riddled with pain and what felt like defeat. Maybe I could be so bold to say that I have had moments where I was, again, dare I say it, angry or just plain annoyed?
Joy, victory, pain, defeat, anger and annoyance. That's life right?
There's more. There's so much more. What's the more???
The more is simple for me. It's my own personal cheerleader running through my mind with pom-poms and cute pony tails. You see, I always wanted to be a cheerleader. So, in my own little world I have a personal cheerleader. Don't judge me. I bet you want one too.
God always takes care of His kids. (This is all said with a cheer leader jumping with shiny pom-poms and perfect uniform.)
God takes care of me when I feel joy and experience victories.
God takes care of me when I am in pain and feel defeated.
God takes care of me when I am angry or annoyed.
Why? Well, two reasons.
1. I am God's kid.
2. God always takes care of His kids.
Simple. Yeah, on paper. But, in real life it is complicated. So complicated. I know it, I really do. Promise.
Today I chose to stand on God's word and believe the promise in Deuteronomy 7 that says, "God wasn't attracted to you and didn't chose you because you were big and important---the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love."
I am the "you" in this scripture. It could read more like this....
Sarah,
I wasn't attracted to you and didn't choose you because you were big and important---the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. I did it out of sheer love.
Love,
God (The One who always takes care of His kids)
Maybe I needed to document this promise just for me, or perhaps you needed to hear it just one more time. God takes care of His kids. Not because of us. But, ALL because of Him!
Be encouraged! If you are in a season of jubilance, breakdowns, or discontentment---it doesn't change the care of our Jesus! He chose us, not because we were either big or important, but because of His unqualified, utterly amazing, love.
God always takes care of His kids. ALWAYS in ALL WAYS!
I am living a blessed life,
Sarah
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Follow me?
Follow me.
I love pinterest. LOVE it. It's like I can go shopping without spending a dime. Feel crafty without gluey messes. I can be a chef in my own little world without any prep work or clean up. And to top it off I can do all three (or more) things at the same time.
I've come to love looking at creative manicure/nail designs. I have the most creative, almost famous, lady in my life who does my nails. When I go see here it's like I am transported to another world. I don't answer my phone, or have any responsibilities. I get to listen to the chatter of those around me and share with her my two week update on what's been happening with me. It's amazing. It's also fun. Because she is so stinkin' creative I get to dream about what I might want next on my nails. And, she does it. It's just that simple. And when I have her do a design and she likes it I feel like a hand model for just a moment as she has me "pose" for a picture. See, pretty incredible right?
Back to pinterest. I've become, in my own mind, somewhat famous. Sick, right? I mean really, come on. How can I even say that? Well, I have pinned a whopping 455 nail designs and have ladies now following just this one board filled with only inspiring designs for my next gel manicure.
So this has had me thinking for awhile about "following". What does it mean? Something my amazingly talented friend who designs works of art on my fingertips and I have in common is the love of thesauruses and dictionaries. It's the nerd in me that loves looking up the meaning of words, synonyms and all that jazz. So, what does any word loving woman do, but look up "following" on my dictionary app installed directly on my smart phone. Just writing that sentence makes me want to look up synonyms. Sick.
So the root word of following is follow. I'm going to start there. Follow is a verb. It's an action.
1. To come after in sequence, order of time, etc.
2. To go or come after; move behind in the same direction.
3. To accept as a guide or leader; accept the authority of or give allegiance to.
4. To conform to, comply with, or act in accordance with; obey.
5. To imitate or copy.
6. To move forward along (a road, path, etc).
7. To come after as a result or consequence; result from.
8. To go after or along with (a person) as a companion.
9. To go in pursuit of.
10. To try for or attain to.
11. To engage in or be concerned with a pursuit.
12. To watch the movements, progress, or course of.
13. To watch the development of or keep with.
14. To keep up with and understand.
WOW! The geek in me is super happy right now. That's honestly way more than I thought I would find.
Pinterest is a silly, unimportant, trivial and time wasting device. But it does have me thinking. If I have 263 followers on my pinterest, how many followers do I have in my life? In the real world, where shopping does cost money, crafts do get sticky, and I am so far from a chef the word shouldn't even come from my lips.
This leads me to ask some real questions. What are people following? Why are they following? Where are they following me? Who is following me? And how can I live my life in a way that all of those action definitions above are worthy of being followed.
What are people following? First, I'm a real woman. A woman with fears, failures, disappointments, frustrations, muffin tops (not the ones I want to eat!), dreams, plans, painted nails, pajamas on right after work, and so much more. But above all of this, I am a woman who loves Jesus. I love Jesus. If I were to be known for one thing in life I wouldn't want it to be that I was driven, motivated, caring, committed, fun, trustworthy, or honest. All of those things are great, and I would want them to be true, but I want people to know that I love my Jesus.
Why follow me? Do I live a life with passion, joy, and love? Or do I merely make it through the day only to get it up early to do it all over again? Do I reflect Jesus in my life? Are my actions, words and thoughts even what I would want others to follow? There are days that I wouldn't want anyone to follow me. Other days I am proud of how I went about my day. Either way, the why is a question I need to ask myself more often.
Where am I headed? I love quotes. LOVE them. See, total nerd. But, one I really like says if you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. I know where I am going. I am headed to my Father's House. The one He's prepared for me. Does the road there have stops and starts along the way? Yes! His word reminds us that in this world we will have trouble, but take joy! He has overcome the world.
Who is following me? Good question. Do I live my life in a way that inspires anyone to follow me? And if I do the who then can get pretty mind boggling. Is it the co-workers I see over 50 hours a week, or is it my husband and son who I adore and often times feel like I see less than I should, or is it those I interact with at the grocery store, or maybe it's my "friends" on Facebook, or could it be the community of believers I see every Sunday at church? Who???? I pray that there are a lot of "whos" in my life.
Finally, how will I lead? Will my life reflect the forgiveness of my Savior or stay mundane and tainted with this world's lies? Will I lead as a servant, wanting my actions to reflect God's love and care for each of us? Or do I want to be puffed up and seen as "having it all together"? How do I live my life each day with obstacles, expectations, dissatisfaction, and complaints to reflect the awesomeness of my Provider who takes care of my every need and knows my future?
If I had a pinterest of my life what would be on the boards? Would I have 263 followers who want to copy what I have done? I am not so sure. I'm challenged today to evaluate the application of my life to ensure I am reflecting the purpose of my God in my life.
Proverbs 31:30 will always be my all time favorite scripture. It says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."
I don't desire praise from my peers (although it sure does feel good, right?), but rather to be a woman that makes my Abba Father proud as I follow in His footsteps. I am on a great adventure to be His follower.
I love pinterest. LOVE it. It's like I can go shopping without spending a dime. Feel crafty without gluey messes. I can be a chef in my own little world without any prep work or clean up. And to top it off I can do all three (or more) things at the same time.
I've come to love looking at creative manicure/nail designs. I have the most creative, almost famous, lady in my life who does my nails. When I go see here it's like I am transported to another world. I don't answer my phone, or have any responsibilities. I get to listen to the chatter of those around me and share with her my two week update on what's been happening with me. It's amazing. It's also fun. Because she is so stinkin' creative I get to dream about what I might want next on my nails. And, she does it. It's just that simple. And when I have her do a design and she likes it I feel like a hand model for just a moment as she has me "pose" for a picture. See, pretty incredible right?
Back to pinterest. I've become, in my own mind, somewhat famous. Sick, right? I mean really, come on. How can I even say that? Well, I have pinned a whopping 455 nail designs and have ladies now following just this one board filled with only inspiring designs for my next gel manicure.
So this has had me thinking for awhile about "following". What does it mean? Something my amazingly talented friend who designs works of art on my fingertips and I have in common is the love of thesauruses and dictionaries. It's the nerd in me that loves looking up the meaning of words, synonyms and all that jazz. So, what does any word loving woman do, but look up "following" on my dictionary app installed directly on my smart phone. Just writing that sentence makes me want to look up synonyms. Sick.
So the root word of following is follow. I'm going to start there. Follow is a verb. It's an action.
1. To come after in sequence, order of time, etc.
2. To go or come after; move behind in the same direction.
3. To accept as a guide or leader; accept the authority of or give allegiance to.
4. To conform to, comply with, or act in accordance with; obey.
5. To imitate or copy.
6. To move forward along (a road, path, etc).
7. To come after as a result or consequence; result from.
8. To go after or along with (a person) as a companion.
9. To go in pursuit of.
10. To try for or attain to.
11. To engage in or be concerned with a pursuit.
12. To watch the movements, progress, or course of.
13. To watch the development of or keep with.
14. To keep up with and understand.
WOW! The geek in me is super happy right now. That's honestly way more than I thought I would find.
Pinterest is a silly, unimportant, trivial and time wasting device. But it does have me thinking. If I have 263 followers on my pinterest, how many followers do I have in my life? In the real world, where shopping does cost money, crafts do get sticky, and I am so far from a chef the word shouldn't even come from my lips.
This leads me to ask some real questions. What are people following? Why are they following? Where are they following me? Who is following me? And how can I live my life in a way that all of those action definitions above are worthy of being followed.
What are people following? First, I'm a real woman. A woman with fears, failures, disappointments, frustrations, muffin tops (not the ones I want to eat!), dreams, plans, painted nails, pajamas on right after work, and so much more. But above all of this, I am a woman who loves Jesus. I love Jesus. If I were to be known for one thing in life I wouldn't want it to be that I was driven, motivated, caring, committed, fun, trustworthy, or honest. All of those things are great, and I would want them to be true, but I want people to know that I love my Jesus.
Why follow me? Do I live a life with passion, joy, and love? Or do I merely make it through the day only to get it up early to do it all over again? Do I reflect Jesus in my life? Are my actions, words and thoughts even what I would want others to follow? There are days that I wouldn't want anyone to follow me. Other days I am proud of how I went about my day. Either way, the why is a question I need to ask myself more often.
Where am I headed? I love quotes. LOVE them. See, total nerd. But, one I really like says if you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. I know where I am going. I am headed to my Father's House. The one He's prepared for me. Does the road there have stops and starts along the way? Yes! His word reminds us that in this world we will have trouble, but take joy! He has overcome the world.
Who is following me? Good question. Do I live my life in a way that inspires anyone to follow me? And if I do the who then can get pretty mind boggling. Is it the co-workers I see over 50 hours a week, or is it my husband and son who I adore and often times feel like I see less than I should, or is it those I interact with at the grocery store, or maybe it's my "friends" on Facebook, or could it be the community of believers I see every Sunday at church? Who???? I pray that there are a lot of "whos" in my life.
Finally, how will I lead? Will my life reflect the forgiveness of my Savior or stay mundane and tainted with this world's lies? Will I lead as a servant, wanting my actions to reflect God's love and care for each of us? Or do I want to be puffed up and seen as "having it all together"? How do I live my life each day with obstacles, expectations, dissatisfaction, and complaints to reflect the awesomeness of my Provider who takes care of my every need and knows my future?
If I had a pinterest of my life what would be on the boards? Would I have 263 followers who want to copy what I have done? I am not so sure. I'm challenged today to evaluate the application of my life to ensure I am reflecting the purpose of my God in my life.
Proverbs 31:30 will always be my all time favorite scripture. It says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."
I don't desire praise from my peers (although it sure does feel good, right?), but rather to be a woman that makes my Abba Father proud as I follow in His footsteps. I am on a great adventure to be His follower.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Staying in the Sweet Spot of Surrender
I surrender all, I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.
I have had this simple and powerful verse from a song I learned as a child running through my mind for weeks and weeks and weeks. Weeks...seriously, in the shower, on the way to work, in the office, when I go to sleep, when I wake up. All the time. It was really getting annoying to be completely honest. I would find myself singing, especially in the car when I was alone on the way to work. Now, I am not gifted with any singing ability. Zip, zero, nada, 0, no ability. But I sang it anyways, thinking the cars that drove beside me were under the impression I had the voice of a nightingale. In and of it's self, that's a lesson. But, that's not what God was focused on this past month or so. He was preparing me for today.
Today we had a very special group of ladies at our Women of Worth Morning at church. These ladies are from a local women's recovery home, "Hannah's House". What song did they sing, but a song about surrender to Jesus! Of course they did! These ladies had the joy of the Lord from deep in their souls to the smiles on their faces. It was shining through them!
And then it all clicked. They had surrendered. You see, these beautiful, talented, transparent, passionate, hard working, and Jesus loving ladies knew the joy of the Lord. They understand surrender. They've come from different paths. Some came from picture perfect homes, others from less than ideal upbringings, but either way they stood together and proclaimed their surrender to Jesus!
We all come from different paths. It's that way on purpose. How else would we be able to impact the world around us. But that's not enough. I really can't make a difference in my co-worker's life if I am not living a surrendered life to my Jesus. Here it goes again...I surrender all, I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.
It's easier to sing than to do (even if it is off key). But I learned something today that my mind knew but my heart had become hardened to---it takes surrender to find and keep joy.
You see, my friend, the surrender is the sweet spot. I don't play sports. If I had my way I would never throw a ball, run, sweat, mess up my hair, or break a nail. But what I hear from my husband, who does love sports, is that there is such a thing as a sweet spot. According to this wonderful tool called the internet I was able to learn a bit more.
The sweet spot is the spot in where the ball hits perfectly. I have never felt that sweet spot because you see I am not coordinated, and honestly could care less about the whole idea of becoming a sports lover. I only like going to football games (Go Ducks!) for the thrill of the crowd. I digress. The sweet spot generates the greatest amount of velocity. So the sweet spot in any activity is the specific aspect of that activity that generates the greatest result. Okay, so I get it now. Surrender is an action. An action that is repeated, again and again. Surrender = Joy!
Surrender is our sweet spot. It's the place where we generate the greatest result. Not because of us, but because of Him. It's the surrender that rids us of our selfishness, our pride, our hurt, our bitterness, our deepest secrets, and largest disappointments. The surrender is where the joy begins. If we stay in surrender it's where our joy remains. Thanks Abba Father for being patient with this hard headed and stubborn daughter of yours. I get it now. I need to stay in the sweet spot of surrender. This is going to take some effort, but I am ready to do it. Are you?
So, I'll sing it loud and from my heart. Sing it with me friends.
I surrender all, I surrender all. All to thee my precious Savior, I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.
I have had this simple and powerful verse from a song I learned as a child running through my mind for weeks and weeks and weeks. Weeks...seriously, in the shower, on the way to work, in the office, when I go to sleep, when I wake up. All the time. It was really getting annoying to be completely honest. I would find myself singing, especially in the car when I was alone on the way to work. Now, I am not gifted with any singing ability. Zip, zero, nada, 0, no ability. But I sang it anyways, thinking the cars that drove beside me were under the impression I had the voice of a nightingale. In and of it's self, that's a lesson. But, that's not what God was focused on this past month or so. He was preparing me for today.
Today we had a very special group of ladies at our Women of Worth Morning at church. These ladies are from a local women's recovery home, "Hannah's House". What song did they sing, but a song about surrender to Jesus! Of course they did! These ladies had the joy of the Lord from deep in their souls to the smiles on their faces. It was shining through them!
And then it all clicked. They had surrendered. You see, these beautiful, talented, transparent, passionate, hard working, and Jesus loving ladies knew the joy of the Lord. They understand surrender. They've come from different paths. Some came from picture perfect homes, others from less than ideal upbringings, but either way they stood together and proclaimed their surrender to Jesus!
It's easier to sing than to do (even if it is off key). But I learned something today that my mind knew but my heart had become hardened to---it takes surrender to find and keep joy.
You see, my friend, the surrender is the sweet spot. I don't play sports. If I had my way I would never throw a ball, run, sweat, mess up my hair, or break a nail. But what I hear from my husband, who does love sports, is that there is such a thing as a sweet spot. According to this wonderful tool called the internet I was able to learn a bit more.
The sweet spot is the spot in where the ball hits perfectly. I have never felt that sweet spot because you see I am not coordinated, and honestly could care less about the whole idea of becoming a sports lover. I only like going to football games (Go Ducks!) for the thrill of the crowd. I digress. The sweet spot generates the greatest amount of velocity. So the sweet spot in any activity is the specific aspect of that activity that generates the greatest result. Okay, so I get it now. Surrender is an action. An action that is repeated, again and again. Surrender = Joy!
Surrender is our sweet spot. It's the place where we generate the greatest result. Not because of us, but because of Him. It's the surrender that rids us of our selfishness, our pride, our hurt, our bitterness, our deepest secrets, and largest disappointments. The surrender is where the joy begins. If we stay in surrender it's where our joy remains. Thanks Abba Father for being patient with this hard headed and stubborn daughter of yours. I get it now. I need to stay in the sweet spot of surrender. This is going to take some effort, but I am ready to do it. Are you?
So, I'll sing it loud and from my heart. Sing it with me friends.
I surrender all, I surrender all. All to thee my precious Savior, I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.
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