To know where I am today I need to go back to where I started. To keep it simple I have a birth defect. The word defect by nature is negative, but it is true that my body is different than probably any other woman. Let's start with the basics. My bladder is the size of a quarter and never has worked...not one day since birth. My ureters were never headed in the right direction to keep things "PG" and they are currently 10 times the size they should be. Ureters should be 3 millimeters in diameter. Mine are 30 millimeters in diameter! Add to the mix a few more fun facts such as my uterus is split into two, doctors think I could have been a twin that didn't form correctly and that I had my first surgeries at the very young age of just about 1 year old and you have me. Take it or leave it...this is who I am. I am no longer going to try to hide my story or choose to share it only with people that have earned my trust.
So, the next question people usually have is how did I get to where I am? Well, when I was born I never had wet diapers. Yes, that's right -- it's a big issue. My Mom took me to the pediatrician who told her she be a nervous first time Mom and to go home and have a drink. Well, two things are wrong with his theory. My Mom trusted her gut and was not simply a highly sensitive new parent. And secondly she doesn't drink. So, doing what any devoted parent would do she took for me a second opinion. From there came trips to Portland for care at OHSU and the beginning of what would be a life saving surgery. Months of my life were spent at OHSU, which meant my parents made courageous decisions that would forever impact my future. Because of their brave acts I am able to say I am alive. God gave them wisdom and discernment. Praise God for His hand in our lives!
What did the doctors do? Well, babies are small. I was tiny. I was extremely sick. They had to do something. What they did was never done before. Multiple trial and error procedures were done but finally it was decided that a major surgery would be the life saving choice. The created a small hole in the middle of my little belly just below my belly button and pulled my ureters to the surface. The easiest way to explain it is imagine two hoses coming up to a hole in the ground. Now, where to put the urine that would come from the ureters? Into a "bag". That is not the technical term for this, it is really called an urostomy appliance. Try explaining that to a child as I was just past 1 year old when all of this took place. I have always called what I have my bag. Always will. Sometimes simple is best, right?
What was done at this very young age was a coin toss. It was a "let's see" kind of deal. Here's where I get excited. My God is so big, so strong, so all knowing and so perfect that He gave the doctors wisdom beyond their own understanding and I have had this "urostomy" and have done quite well in life. I would not be the woman of God I am today without this "thorn in my side" to remind me to rely on Jesus.
This being said my life has not been without difficulties, pain, hardships, frustration, anger, all out tantrums and humiliation. This "bag" as I have always known it is not fool proof. It's glued to my skin. You can imagine as a body grows and changes, a child is active and busy, this might not go so well to stay connected perfectly. Perfect is a word that is really not in the vocabulary for a person with a urostomy. Leaking is a word that could be used. What is that? The seal could break for multiple reasons on said bag and wa-la --- leaking occurs. It is just what is sound like. Urine is now dripping, other times gushing, from the middle of my stomach. When did this happen? Anytime. Anywhere. School, church, middle of the night, on the way to work, at work, you name it and it is has probably happened. Even in a movie theatre -- that was a doozie. Again, God is faithful and has placed the most amazingly supportive and loving people in my life to literally make a shield around me so others would not see the embarrassing impact of this inconvenience. Never be afraid to stand up for others -- never. You have no idea the difference you could be making.
Multiple surgeries, a miraculous pregnancy to deliver my sweet boy Isaac, and a whole lot of prayer brings me to today. My pregnancy was something so special that I will take time to share about that at a different date, but know God is never going to leave us without a plan and peace.
As I sit here typing this short synopsis on my history I want every person that reads it to remember I could have things so much worse. I am alive. I have a wonderful family. God has given me purpose. I am not an accident and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How do I know this? Because God doesn't make junk. And you my friend, you are not junk either. Maybe you don't have a bag on the outside of your body holding urine. For your sake, I hope not. But maybe you have a broken heart or have been hurt in ways that no one would understand. Maybe you have health conditions that seem to never end. Maybe you have hurt others and you think there's no way life could get better. Well, listen. Listen!!! You are not junk. You are made on purpose to have a purpose. Have I cried out to God pleading to be healed? Yes! I have decided that whether God chooses to heal me here on earth or to use me to show His love to others because of the people I get to impact and heal me in Heaven -- either way, I choose to be happy, thankful and blessed. And, loved one, I choose to be confident that God works all things together. This means nothing is broken. What is broken to us is not to God. If you think back at your life and the circumstances you have made it through I am 100% sure that you have been able to use those details of life to encourage someone else, lend a hand because you know what it feels like to be down, or simply just know that life goes on.
I'm sorry, I get to preaching...
Three weeks from today I will be recovering from a 6-8 hour surgery scheduled for 4/11/14. That's where this story started. So what surgery will I be recovering from? My kidneys and ureters are worn down and causing me quite a bit of health issues so it is time to give me an overhaul. I equate this surgery to a reboot. A fresh start. A new beginning. A better tomorrow. Three major items will be done in the surgery. First the ureters, which remember are 10x too big, will be tapered down to a more reasonable size to cause less opportunity for issues. Secondly, the current hole that I mentioned earlier will be closed. Third a finally a new hole, called a stoma, will be created near my hip using part of my bowel. It's a relatively common surgery for those who have had bladder cancer. The tricky part is my insides aren't normal. I did find a short YouTube video that explains the third step relatively well and if you would like to watch it here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANIDpinacxE&feature=youtu.be
Is this surgery and process going to be easy? No. I will not kid myself. I have experienced surgeries. They are NEVER easy. But in time, this will be worth it. In the mean time I will thank God for the blessings in my life.
I am living a blessed life. A very blessed life. My only request is that you pray for God to use me for His kingdom and that every interaction I will keep my focus on Jesus.
Questions? Don't hesitate to ask.
Sarah, YOU are the most beautiful testimony of grace and joy. I am so inspired, encouraged and drawn to both your joy and God's love through the perspective you share. <3
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